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Lotje, theres a turning point in the film, when you decide to stop seeing yourself as limited and instead start focusing on the possibilities. It was going to be impossible. Sodderland is lucky to be alive, having suffered a massive stroke which left her unable to speak, read, write and perform even simple tasks. It didnt, she says, After her stroke Lotje Sodderland tried electronic pulses to fire up parts of the brain responsible for reading. Meeting with fellow patients has helped in rebuilding Mrs Tans confidence. He then invited Sodderland to a video conference he was doing and when she went to LA on holiday Lynch invited her over for coffee. Lotje is asked to read words from a screen while the TMS is stimulating regions of her brain throughher skull in the hope that the brain would be able to find new pathways between her visual and language areas. First of all, something terrible has happened. He started explaining that Lotje had started filming herself and would I come and meet her? The title character is an obnoxious but successful Manhattan attorney whose life changes when he is shot at a convenience store late one night. Pretending she was an actor, playing a character in a film, also helped give her distance from the more distressing things she went through in hospital. You talked about acceptance. Brechas Urbanas Sao Paolo. At the start, my listening, speaking and understanding skills were not good. But I found the therapies a constant reminder of what I couldnt do, rather than what I could. My mother almost went into shock as she didnt know what to do. I didnt knowhow to rest and allow my thoughts to subside. He told me thatIhadbeen doing my word training at homewhenIstarted hallucinating and lost myvision. Lotje: When I fell ill, it was a huge shock to everybody as it was such a radical and massive transformation overnight. Really? I enjoyed the daily trip, and being surrounded by neuroscientists; Iliked the sense of being an active participant, rather than a passive patient. Expect major face-palming from Trekkies in July. I had met friends at the pub, headed home around 10pm, watched the news on my laptop and gone to bed. I signed a pile of disclaimers and followed a delightfully deadpan neurologist, Dr Leff, into what looked like an interstellar teleportation device. Used to solving problems and travelling the world, she suddenly couldnt understand how to get out of her flat to ask for help. Sophie, when Lotje got in touch, what did you think?SOPHIE ROBINSON: I was in the middle of an edit of another film. But at this stage the doctors couldnt tell me why Ihad lost the ability to speak, read, write or think coherently. Lotje covers some of the daily challenges that she experienced after sustaining injury to her brain through the stroke, not just with dysphasia and apraxia while communicating through expressive verbal language, reading and writing, but also the memory deficits, confusion, cognitive processing and sensory perception changes, over-sensitivity to Original reporting and incisive analysis, direct from the Guardian every morning. The first ability I regained was speech. Please, The subscription details associated with this account need to be updated. Shed been put into an induced coma, endured emergency surgery to her parietal and temporal lobes. 17 Oscar-Nominated Netflix Films to Watch in Honor of Awards Season, The Best (and Most Anticipated) Movies of 2023 So Far, The 70 Best Romantic Comedies of All Time. Q: How did your family and friends cope with your illness, especially for your main caregivers? Colours were much more vibrantand sounds were louder. I enjoy our talks so much more these days. So it was worth it? "He knows about the non-linear narratives and the subtle relationship between the mundane and the surreal." Doing simple daily activities such as accessing your bank account or doing anything bank-related after a brain injury can be so complicated. I was just really reminded of his work. : Directed by Stephen Finnigan. I felt elated to have been able to share it, and at making the therapist laugh. I got this phone call from a colleague of Lotjes who had been in that meeting. By making videos and telling the story of his stroke, David found that he was able to visualise the physiological progress he had made and still needed to make. Now, after the success of My Beautiful Broken Brain, they see the value of story-telling for brain-injured people. A sketch of the monsters she saw in visions and dreams. I remember the cognitive psychologist drawing a diagram to indicate where on the scale my old intellect had been, and where it was now. "It was amazing, it was all in capital letters with lots of dots," remembers Robinson. It is very difficult to be other peoples property. Read on for more from my conversation with the filmmakers, about their collaboration, how they got David Lynch on board, and what Sodderlands life looks like these days. Starring: Sophie Robinson, Lotje Sodderland Watch all you want. We see Lotje typing a text but she cant read what she has just typed. But at the end of the program, she still cant read. You evolved in what is a very unusual way. Im grateful to have learnt so much more about the challenges of being human - so early on. Through extensive in-patient and out-patient rehabilitation that included occupational therapy, speech therapy, visits with both a psychologist and psychiatrist, she makes a profound recovery, despite the post-seizure regression she experienced following the experimental transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) treatments. They had set themselves a goal: by Christmas, they would have taught me to write a shopping list, and to read Simpkin, by Quentin Blake, my three-year-old niece Matildas favourite book. He has only ever known me in my new incarnation, and who knows -he may not have liked the old me. She turns to the camera and says: Anything can happen, at any time, to any degree. After a lack of response from his wifes friends, Mr Tan reached out to his buddies to drop by their place for a visit or send encouraging texts from time to time. Sodderland co-directed the multiple award-winning feature film 'My Beautiful Broken Brain' (executive produced by David Lynch), which is her own . Currently working with Film4, Lotje is in development on her first feature. I woke to the sound of nurses by my bed, discussing their Christmas plans. Wed had one meeting, and she really stuck in my mind. It was a lovely email. Ive worked on a new character, becoming more patient, more accepting, kinder to myself and to the people around me. Thedrugs numbed my brain, but I was paranoid and panicked. So I better not have faith in anything. When youre in hospital and youre being constantly assessed and measured by how youre limited, what you can no longer do, who you no longer are, its very painful. The turning point came when she began to discover what she calls her core identity: a deep-rooted sense of self that persists even when all external markerscareer, romance, friendshipsare under siege. CRTEX - BRAIN, CONSCIOUSNESS AND THE REALITY OF THE EGO. I began to draw, bringing to life the monsters I had seen in visions and dreams. Now the resulting documentary - produced by David Lynch - is coming to . Iyearned for solitude. Lotje Sodderland was a digital producer at a hip London creative agency when she suffered a stroke that decimated her language skills and threw her sensory perception into disarray. Inoticed that we hadnt said anything for a while. International Documentary Film Festival Amsterdam, "SXSW Film Review: My Beautiful Broken Brain", "My Beautiful Broken Brain: The amazing collaboration of David Lynch and a woman who 'video-selfied' her stroke", "My Beautiful Broken Brain review - moving study of life after stroke", "At SXSW, a Woman Who Had a Stroke Turns Director", "Netflix Picks Up 'My Beautiful Broken Brain' Documentary from David Lynch", https://en.wikipedia.org/w/index.php?title=My_Beautiful_Broken_Brain&oldid=1098836516, Short description is different from Wikidata, Pages containing links to subscription-only content, Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License 3.0, This page was last edited on 17 July 2022, at 18:34. Her vision is also troubling her she sees intense colors. Despite my insistence that I couldnt do it, my friend Lucy was convinced she would be able to get me to write again. 'My Beautiful Broken Brain' is released on Netflix tomorrow. People taking over my plans, my life. Our relationship professionally really developed once Id had the stroke. He said, Do you remember me? The surgeon who had removed the blood clot and parts of my brain told me that I had almost total right homonymous hemianopsia avisual field loss (I have no peripheral vision on my right-hand side) and severe aphasia, a communication disorder affecting comprehension and expression. Every cast member you would expect will be back to collect their paychecks, which might require a crane, The Finding Nemo sequel will focus on Ellen DeGeneres' forgetful blue tang fish. She acknowledges that therapists need to assess a person and define what the patients deficits are in order to conduct a proper therapy and figure out how to improve the persons capabilities. Since the stroke, I've had to really transform my lifestyle and accept that things are going tobe very different. She doesnt try to make it sound romantic. My mum lent me a fiver. It was very painful for my ears. She woke up in her east London flat with a blinding headache and in a state of frightening confusion. And shes an engaging, lovely, warm person. The stroke was an upsetting event in my life, but I could also see it as a great blessing and opportunity to change and simplify my life in a positive way by focusing on what really mattered. It is run by a team of dedicated speech therapist volunteers. It was a big moment of acceptance. This was a very dramatic change and it happened very suddenly, but you have to accept that change is part of life. During that first strange, solitary fortnight, I had an idea myfirst linear thought. Lotje. Starring: Sophie Robinson, Lotje Sodderland Watch all you want. With Lotje Sodderland. You dont have to have had a brain hemorrhage.. Though the film showed mostly positive scenes, there were many difficult moments that were not captured, such as my mental health struggles which are an invisible part of recovery. 7.5 TV Movie I took meditation and mindfulness classes at a Buddhist centre near my home. Things change constantly for everybody. Please, Lotje Sodderland thought her brain damage meant the end of her love life. When did you decide to send him a message?LS: Toward the end of the first year, Sophie was encouraging me to try. A formidable Baltic nurse ripped the metal staples from my blood-caked scar. We'll find out in September with Antoine Fuqua's remake of 1960's The Magnificent Seven. After that I just became really interested in his films. As I was filming that first interview, I remember the hairs on my arms sticking on ends, thinking theres something really extraordinary about this woman and everything thats happening. But Lotje, as you can hear on the phone and see in the film, is massively articulate and knows exactly what she wants. Starring: Sophie Robinson, Lotje Sodderland Watch all you want. He had called the ambulance asmy eyeballs disappeared into the back ofmyhead. Even listening to the radio is quite overwhelming. Now I still tell stories, but I tell visual stories. JOIN NOW Executive producer David Lynch played a pivotal role in Lotje Sodderland's recovery, as explained in this documentary. I see my stroke as a kind of rebirth; unexpected and painful, but also more vivid, filled with purpose, meaning and potential. She is struggling more with finding words again. But also I used it just on a practical level, to remember things, like meetings with doctors, and to communicate with friends, because I couldnt read or write. Sodderland describes the process of making My Beautiful Broken Brain as essential to her recovery. I remembered being put on a stretcher as paramedics asked the standard questions: what was my name? Romance is a complex neurological process, and Ididnt think Iwas eligible any more. You see what happens in the film. In the middle of the night, I had a crushing headache that took over my entire body and mind. As well as the new series of Twin Peaks. I really enjoy words, and I always loved writing. Thoughts occurred to me. Because I still cant read. Wellcome Trust. We seeLotje struggle with the first sessions of cognitive evaluation and speech therapy, the embarrassment from not being able to remember simple word, her nervous laughter, her apologies for not making a lot of sense, her courageoussmile turning into uncontrollable tears of frustration and sadness. At first, my writing looked like a childs. Butbeforethe end of the therapy, Lotje experiences generalized seizure and is taken to the hospital. Platoon director Oliver Stone takes on a very important and timely story. I figured out the video function on my iPhone, and began to record my new life. Faced with the prospect of growing old and dying alone, he eventually decides to wake up a second passenger', Is nothing sacred? Its about having to rethink your life halfway through, and that can happen to any of us. A trailer for My Beautiful Broken Brain, Lotjes documentary about her recovery, made with director Sophie Robinson. Its very different. In 2013, Lorna Smalley was rushed to hospital with encephalitis, an inflammation of the brain. And she looks great! Her friends and family are relieved. Before my stroke, Isaw him, his wife and daughters most weeks. Registered office: 1 London Bridge Street, SE1 9GF. Do you remember Lotje? "My life now is very simple, it's very focused, but actually now I've come to terms with that, I can appreciate the beauty of it." Focus on who your true friends are. He experiences anoxia resulting in brain damage. Large parts of the film consist of material filmed by herself on her iPhone. I think its quite unusual to survive if you're by yourself and have a brain haemorrhage -as it's almost impossible to have the ability to figure out what to do. As a neurology inpatient at the Royal London hospital, I was nothing more than my case number. To our great surprise he wrote an email a few days later back. To keep up her motivation, Mrs Tan sets new targets and uses creative means to practise at home. Around April, I also started researching community groups and found Aphasia SG.. I was almost back to square one. The fog was lifting. I was fascinated and enthralled and terrified by [that new world]. First, the research assistant would measure my skull to make sure it wasnt growing or shrinking (it wasnt). Before the stroke, I was a documentary producer in London, living in what I now realise was a very high-level cognition world. 2 months after her strokeshe enrolls in a 3-month long program ina neurological rehabilitation center for people with brain injurieswhere she undergoes psychological and linguistic treatment. Somebody gave me back my iPhone in the hospital, a few days after the stroke, and I quickly re-learned how to use it and started recording myself. The research study investigates whether this non-invasive brain stimulation can speed up language recovery after stroke. (2018). I was just blown away. Two months after the stroke, my brother took me to a nearby hospital to be assessed for eligibility. He would always say, Send me more of those video messages! When I was in California, I said, Do you want to have coffee? And he said, Sure, come round! Hes been a very central figure in the positive transformation and understanding of all that darkness. She woke up in hospital two days later, and once she had her belongings returned to her, found herself reaching for her iPhone and once someone had shown her how to use it again pressing record, Although initially Sodderland was using her phone videos to help her remember all the meetings with doctors, she realised that she also wanted to document what was happening to her. In her black hoodie with scraped-back hair, winking to her cameraphone and giving a thumbs up, Lotje Sodderland looks like any young woman making a video of herself to send to a friend. 'One of the first things I remember is waking up on a hospital trolley, in an elevator. I was a fan of his magical, frightening, beautiful aesthetic, his mysterious narrative. What does that make me? I remember at one stage wanting to die because the pain was so intense. Lotje Sodderland makes candid, vulnerable films laced with pathos and humour. Upon returning home, Mrs Tan, who was once fluent in English, Mandarin, and Teochew, would practise speech and language exercises up to eight hours a day with her husband to regain her communication capabilities. Videos I didnt know it yet, but I was experiencing anunprovoked bleed to my brain a stroke. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. Itried the radio, but the sounds were overwhelming. My discharge date arrived in early April, but though Iwas out of hospital, my mind was stuck on my limitations. The documentary does a great job showing thatstroke-related disability is often not only a loss of one function or another, it is a perturbation of ones entire existence, of ones self-image. Though I can write, I still can't read because of the damage to my right visual cortex - all my correspondence is done through Siri on my iPhone. A white name tag was strapped around my wrist. My friends and family thought I was going to die and they got quite scared and stressed, especially since we were unfamiliar with neuroscience or the brain. Please refresh the page or navigate to another page on the site to be automatically logged inPlease refresh your browser to be logged in, When Lotje Sodderland woke up in hospital following a stroke, she charted her recovery by making videos on her iPhone. They realised that the recovery process can feel monotonous without some spontaneity. She had finished that bottle some time ago and kept it as a reminder to get a new one on our next trip to Malaysia.. It could have happened at any time. Then she asks: What if all this evidence is removed? David Festenstein, who has written a blog about his recovery from a stroke, has suggested that the video and audio recording capabilities on our smartphones can play a vital role in stroke recovery. Ninth. 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